Monday, May 11, 2009

In the Storm

Every once in a while, there is a song that grabs you...the lyrics scroll through your mind and take on more meaning than just a string of rhythmic sounds. This has been a rough week over here in Kuwait. Work has been crazy and exhausting. I've had a few unpleasant experiences driving, and I think I had food poisoning all weekend...which sort of hampered my big plan to pack all weekend. I have to move on Friday (my university is switching apartment buildings for its international hires so even though I love my place I have to pack AGAIN and move!). The end result of all these things has been a feeling of discouragement. This country feels so dark...it's hard to see light and beauty in the midst of swirling yellow dust. I need to hire someone to wash my car every other day because after two days of dust, I can barely see through the windshield. That's sort of how I feel...coated in gritty colorless dust and sorely in need of something cleansing. It feels dirty...and the struggle of being a single foreign woman in the midst of this culture sometimes makes me want to lock my apartment door and never venture out. I'm counting down the days til I can board that beautiful plane back to the land of family and friends (and the ability to drive from one side of the city to the other without being followed!)...but then I am also starting to dread the idea of that flight back to Kuwait on August 17th. And in the midst of all this, I cry out to God and often feel like my prayers are getting stuck somewhere between the crumbling concrete of Kuwait and the blue sky that I know must be somewhere above the dust. I know that my being here is not purposeless. In the midst of reading the news today, I found myself crying as I looked at headline after headline that just trumpets the brokenness of our world...Pakistan, Sri Lanka, human trafficking in India, and an American soldier in Baghdad who turned on his own men and killed five of them. As I cried, I prayed. I felt that familiar stirring in my heart...a hatred of injustice, a desire to be on the front lines doing something...anything to fight oppression. But here I sit, in my comfy apartment in Kuwait...helping students to apply for plush jobs and holding their hands (figuratively) while they figure out if they should take English 101 or English 102. And I know that God has a purpose for me here...a reason for bringing me to Kuwait instead of to Darfur or Sri Lanka or Uganda. And I know there is so much suffering in Kuwait...so my prayer as I write this is that God would open doors here. That He would use my heart for the suffering here...right where He has brought me. So I turn back to the lyrics of this song as my prayer...

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

"Praise You in This Storm" by Casting Crowns

2 comments:

donna kushner said...

I love you Amy and am praying especially for you today as I read your blog. You ARE there for a purpose, a light in a really dark place and you do shine so much more brightly than you can every know.

Brenda said...

Oh Amy my heart goes out to you and I pray that as you awake each day the Lord will seem closer. I remember when I first lived overseas I had the best times with the Lord. I really felt Him with me, and was encouraged through my times in the Word. I pray the same for you. That He will open doors for you in this dark country. I know He will use you.