Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Just a few thoughts

As I was riding home tonight, I was thinking about writing a pithy little blog entry about rules of the road in Kuwait. Believe me, it's insane. But I think that will have to wait because as I booted up my computer and sat down to check my email, one line of lyrics started scrolling across my mind..."I was made to love you, I was made just for you." I couldn't remember the song, or the singer, but lucky for me I live in the google age and was able to find the entire song (copied below for your reading pleasure). I'm not sure exactly why these words in particular echoed through my mind. I haven't heard the song in ages, but somehow as I read through the lyrics, it molded to my soul at this precise moment in time. Earlier today, I was sitting in my living room listening to my itunes. The song was "How Great is our God." As I listened to the song, the call to prayer suddenly swept into my apartment. Allah u Akbar. God is great. The dichotomy between the two rocked my peaceful little moment. How great is our God. Allah u Akbar. God of mercy. God of fear. God of divine sacrifice. God of the balancing scales. Christ. Mohammed. My worldview and that of the world sweeping around me every day in Kuwait. In this place in this time, I don't feel very loved. And I don't feel like I'm capable of a whole lot of love. Jesus loves me, this I know. Well, I don't always know it. I believe that our God is great, but sometimes it feels more like a distant worship than an intensely personal relationship. I was made to love Him, I was made just for Him. As a single 20-something woman living in the middle of Kuwait, the loneliness can sweep over any moment. Aloneness can weigh down the shoulders until it's hard to lift one's head. They say singles only make it over here for a year or two...whereas couples/families come for a year and stay for ten. I can certainly understand that. There is no protector. There is no one who knows you and loves you...who can shield you from the staring eyes and help you to laugh when you're so fed up that you're looking up plane ticket prices online. There are a lot of good moments here too...hilarious moments that just make you wish you could elbow your spouse and give a little wink, knowing that you will be telling this story for years. And so I come back to the lyrics. Yes, it would be great to be over here with have found that right person. I'm a proud single independent woman, but I have (sometimes) the humility to admit that I wish I wasn't alone. But you know what? I'm not alone even when it feels that way. I do have a great God, who is present even in what many call this God-forsaken part of the world. I am not forsaken, and neither are this people.

"Made to Love" (by Toby Mac)

The dream is fading, now I'm staring at the door
I know its over cause my feet have hit the cold floor
Check my reflection, I ain't feelin what I see
It's no mystery
Whatever happened to a passion I could live for
What became of the flame that made me feel more
And when did I forget that...

I was made to love you
I was made to find you
I was made just for you
Made to adore you
I was made to love
And be loved by you
You were here before me
You were waiting on me
And you said you'd keep me
Never would you leave me
I was made to love
and be loved by you

The dream's alive with my eyes opened wide
Back in the ring you've got me swinging for the grand prize
I feel the hate is spittin vapors on my dreams
But I still believe
I'm reachin out, reachin up, reachin over
I feel a breeze cover me called Jehovah
And daddy I'm on my way
Cause I was made to love...

Anything I would give up for you
Everything, I'd give it all away

1 comment:

uncle yale said...

Thank you Amy for sharing your heart, I wish, oh how I wish you were sitting in the next room as I type this! I would hug you, tell you that everything will be ok, this will pass, that God is present even when you don't feel Him. All this and more I'd say with the hope that you'd be comforted, that you'd be at peace. You are not in "your room", but the words are true, let's believe them together. I love you, dad