Sunday, March 15, 2009

Hallowness and Lent

We had a three-day weekend this week. Having a day off was nice and I felt very productive (I finished my taxes and am getting a whopping $4 back!)...but as the end of the weekend approached, I felt hollow. I don't know if you have ever felt that way, but there are times when I just feel a pit or a hollowness inside...I often called it the Sunday slump in the US- the sadness you feel as the last thrills of the weekend fade away, only to be confronted by the impending buzz of the alarm clock hailing the advent of another Monday. Well, in Kuwait our weekend is Friday/Saturday, so here I live the Saturday Slump every week. Anyway, that is neither here nor there. Last night's hollowness was more than a normal saturday slump. I think part of it stems from the fact that I have had a really hard time finding a community of believers here- a church where I can feel at home. I miss solid teaching and awesome worship. So I stayed busy all weekend and went to a church service which did not feel filling...and then finally everything was quiet. It was 8pm on Saturday night and I was sitting at home after a long day of trying to get things done in Kuwait...and in the stillness the hollowness invaded. The homesickness came roaring into the hollow space and I found myself crying. Amazingly, it was the first time I had cried since the end of my first week in Kuwait. It was hard, but it was good. We all need to cry every now and then! But two things really spoke to me in the hollowness of those moments. One was the song Hosanna by Hillsong (lyrics below)...especially the last stanza. The second was a posting by Dr. Chuck DeGroat (my former counseling professor and seriously wise man!) in his speaks to the season of lent and the need to be still before God. It's worth taking a minute to follow this link...and I would encourage you to read through his other postings as well!

Lyrics from Hosanna (by Hillsong)

I see the king of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes

I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees

Hosanna in the highest

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to

~Happy Lent and may God break our hearts for what breaks His, everything we are for His kingdom's we go from nothing to Eternity.


Donna Kushner said...

I absolutely LOVE that song and have been using it on my ipod when I work out, thanks for giving a fresh perspective on it! I am sorry it has been a hard weekend. I am continuing to pray for the need for good community for you, don't give up! So many people say overseas is where you find it the BEST once you find it. God has something special for you I know. thanks for sharing your heart! I love you! -mom

Sheri said...

Thanks for this transparent blog posting Amy. I have been wondering how things are going for you and I'm glad to have a way to keep up with you. When Will was overseas, he kept a blog too. It turned out to be a good thing for him, and I know it was for me!
I'll be reading along, that's for sure.